Apple needs to actually follow Microsoft’s lead for once

You can certainly make the argument that the wealthiest company in the history of companies and wealth didn’t get there by giving it all away. But it probably doesn’t have to be as afraid of collective bargaining as it seems to be.

Wired reports on “The Fallout From Apple’s Bizarre, Dogged Union-Busting Campaign”

As the Macalope has said before, this is all very annoying. The horny one used to be able to joke about Amazon being the anti-union tech company. Now he has to think of other reasons to make fun of Amazon. Like the Fire Phone.

I mean, it’s not hard. It’s just annoying.

One wonders, if Microsoft Store employees unionized, would anyone notice? Probably not, but not because their stores are always empty. Or not just because they’re always empty. Unlike Goofus Apple, Gallant Microsoft has entered into a labor neutrality agreement which lets its employees “freely and fairly” unionize. Good for them. The Macalope’s sending a fruit basket to the Winotaur.

Apple, meanwhile, which has all the money in the world, chooses to spend it on a high-priced union-smashing law firm instead of possibly ceding some of it to its employees. You know the old saying: you gotta spend money to keep your employees from making money!

The drives at both stores were orchestrated by Littler Mendelson, the country’s largest anti-union law firm, known most recently for its aggressive tactics against Starbucks baristas.

While we disagree about many things, the one thing we, as Americans, can all come together to agree on is that the biggest problem group in this country is… [checks notes]… baristas.

Please, won’t you give generously to rid this nation of the… [checks notes again]… barista menace?

On the plus side, Littler Mendelson is a great name to curse under your breath while shaking your fist in rage.

Littler Mendelson!

Try it at home. The Macalope thinks you’ll agree.

Workers at the Towson, Maryland, Apple Store that unionized said the experience was “traumatic for many of us”.

You might think, yeah, sure, that’s what you say when you’re a collective bargaining organization. And most of what Wired describes does seem to be more of the annoying, performative variety taught at the Jerktastic School of Management Training; the haughty tones you’d hear from anyone trying to stop you from leaving a time-share pitch you accidentally strolled into, the fantastic tales told by a chain letter that somehow managed to gain sentience.

“Why, I heard a woman in Kenosha joined a union and very next day came down with an incurable butt ailment. I don’t want that for you. No, sir, I don’t.”

Some of it, however, is downright personal, creepy and not befitting an organization that once employed Bob Mansfield.

…one employee was told his immigration assistance could be taken away if the union won.

Boooooooo, Apple.

Apple Store manager reading off a script: “I’d love to keep allowing you to enjoy the great taste of Lays potato chips, Miriam, but the union… tsk… the union might take away my ability to do that.”

Miriam: “But my partner works at the Lays factory. We get those for free.”

Apple Store manager realizing things have gone off-script: “Ha-ha! Miriam. [suddenly very serious] Miriam. Dark forces are at work here, Miriam.”

As Wired notes, the relatively small size of Apple Stores means that these disputes over unionization leave managers and employees at odds long after the vote is over. The Macalope would suggest to Apple management that that discord isn’t worth keeping employees from gaining collective bargaining rights. And when you work for the wealthiest employer in the world, it’s not expecting too much to be able to get a better shake at the negotiating table.

Certainly anything Microsoft can do, Apple can also.