Congratulations, Apple! The legislations that you have been
lobbying against has been torpedoed in the Senate! Also,
condolences, Apple. Several things you say you are for are going to
be harder to achieve now.
President Biden's Baby Buggy Bumpers bill… no, wait, that's not
it. Banana Bumble Bingo bill. No. No. Uh… Build Back Better bill!
That's it. The one Apple has reportedly been lobbying against for
months. How silly of the Macalope. Anyway, it suffered a severe
setback in the Senate as Joe Manchin (D-Coal) declared he would not
vote for it, saying, and the Macalope is not at all quoting here:
Look at me, look at me, oh, god, please everyone look at me.
He did not actually say that. It just seems like he's constantly
What was in this legislation that has to do with Apple? Well,
for a company that loves to tell us how much it values the
environment, a clean energy standard that would decarbonize the
electric grid. Surely Apple is for that, right? Well, if it is it
funny way of showing it.
The plan would have also made it harder for companies to
manipulate tax loopholes to reduce their effective tax rate to
almost nothing or, in many cases, actually nothing. These would be
the loopholes that someone from Apple told Congress back in 2013
that the company was in favor of eliminating.
Who was that again? Let's see. Hmm. Just gonna look it up here…
Some Tim Cook fella. Probably a low-level paper
pusher. Not familiar with his work.
Now, this criticism sticks less than the environmental issues
because the proposal doesn't end loopholes, it just tries to do an
end-run around them.
But Apple proudly declaring it pays all the taxes it legally has
to while using its considerable power to lobby against having to
pay what the rest of us pay is, pun very much intended,
The horny one isn't saying Apple should lobby for the things he
wants. They've never once lobbied for the Alfalfa Affordability
Act. Not once. And that hasn't stopped the Macalope from having
enough Mac boxes in his basement that he could build a considerable
fort with them. Not that he's ever done that. That you know of.
No, he's saying Apple shouldn't lobby. At all. It didn't used to
lobby and the Macalope preferred it that way.
Look, the Macalope is not a policy wonk (although he briefly
worked in DC). He's not an expert in climate dynamics (he just
listens to experts in climate dynamics). He's not a tax accountant
(although he was once a corporate accountant). He's not a cereal or
a floor wax (although one day we all will be as our atoms are
recycled continuously on this planet until the sun one day
explodes, sending them back to the cosmos).
But he knows when people are talking out of both sides of their
mouths. You don't have to be much of an expert in anything other
than people to recognize that.
Is Apple doing anything that other companies — like Microsoft,
Alphabet and Facebook — aren't also doing? No. And that's what's